The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
