Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Randomize
