I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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