I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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