I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
