So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
