having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
