you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So vagazzling was a success
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
