i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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