you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
