Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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