So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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