so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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