I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
