So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
