Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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