He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
