i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
