Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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