No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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