it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
