I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I pour the whiskey from now on
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
