You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
