I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
