I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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