im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize