Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize