I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
