I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We're too hungover to prance.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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