Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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