He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
