Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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