youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
