I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
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