i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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