shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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