I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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