Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
