I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
