Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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