she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
