if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
