Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
