Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
