Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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