So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
