If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
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Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize