if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Do vagina's smell?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
