I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
