you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
