Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She has the best kind of daddy issues
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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