The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
