I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
