Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Randomize
