last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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