If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
