Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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