I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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