Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize