Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
