I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize