Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
