There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I need to stop coming to work sober
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
