So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
