it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
