you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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