he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
