My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
