New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
