My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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