she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
