Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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