His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize