We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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