he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
